PEARSON, TOM

In the year 2008, I, Thomas Pearson, will begin my lifelong dream of becoming a Russian astronaut (I always liked the name "Sputnik"). I will email Vladimir Putin and request a seat on their next space mission. If Vlad doesn't reply to my email within a week, I will quit my journey to be an astronaut and focus on my love of fresh water algae. How can't you love the freshwater algae?!? I mean, the salt water algae's okay, but the fresh water ... good golly, I love the fresh water!!! After two months of working with the microorganism, I'll discover that I'm allergic to fresh water algae through a heart-wrenching algae accident off the coast of Nicaragua. You may think to your self, "Hey isn't the water off the coast of Nicaragua salt water???" But no, it is a widely known fact that the government sectioned off a portion of the coast that only fresh water (mostly used for senior citizen water exercise classes but also for freshwater algae research). And that'll be January.

Days before the big Super Tuesday primary elections, I will throw my hat into the ring and declare my intent to wrestle the Junkyard Dog. I know he's like 60 years old now, but I figure I'll start out with a retired wrestler and work my way back to the WWE.

During my match with "JYD", I'll "pull a hammy" and my career as a wrestler of the retired will over. During the post-match press conference, a representative from Subway (the restaurant, not the transportation system) will hire me to be the new "Jared". I'll think about and decline, because, gosh-darn it, I'm not changing my name for any amount of money. I like "Tom".

Depressed after the wrestling loss, I return home to the love of my life, "Stove Top Stuffing". After ten months of spending time with Stovey, I'll be recruited to be on "The Biggest Loser: Couples". After the first weigh in, I'll be disqualified because I'm only one person, not two, as they originally thought.

Depressed after the Biggest Loser thing, I'll return home to the new love of my life, "liposuction". During my recovery, I'll fall in love with my doctor's wife, Mrs. Dr. Rey, and we'll move to the coast of Nicaragua. I know I'm allergic, but I just can't stay away from those fresh water algae!

HAPPY 2008!!!